The weather

I’m going to assume you’ve seen any shit comedian’s routine and that you know the stereotypes.

“…and have you ever noticed how boys have penises and girls have vaginas?!”

How does one judge the weather? I think most people would agree that sunny days are a good indicator, whether it’s for going to the beach, playing sport, or just cultivating melanomas. According to the Bureau of Meteorology, Melbourne has 49 clear days per year, while Sydney has 104. That’s an emphatic win for Sydney. How about gloomy, cloudy days? Melbourne has 180 (yes, that’s half the year – the worst capital city in Australia!), compared to Sydney’s 133 (About a third of the year).

Just for reference, New York has 107 days of sun, and London has no data available, so I’m forced to assume they have 0.

Which is good, because according to this study, Londoners equate warmth to suicide.

Oddly enough, Sydney and Melbourne have the EXACT same number of days with 1mm or greater of rainfall, at 100.3 per year! But when it rains in Sydney, it pours. The average rainfall is twice that of Melbourne. So what would you prefer: hot and wet, or cold and dry? Of course, with climate change more of a “thing” than sceptics would have you believe, we might have to have another look at these figures in a couple of years, when our hoverboards and flying cars arrive.

“‘Global warming’? Sorry sir, that’s just scientist talk” – Kenneth Parcell, 30 Rock.

Sydney also has slightly greater humidity compared to Melbourne, which has two bonuses: making the weather seem warmer, and keeping my cigars fresh.

But not as fresh as some.

As for other factors, the two cities are more similar than you’d believe. Average daily maximum? 22c to 20c, Sydney’s way. Foggy days? 18 to 15, Melbourne’s way. Average wind speed? 11.6 to 11.7km.

But it does feel different. As a warm-bodied person, I’m struggling to adjust to this weather. Basic meteorology tells me that no clothing is needed, but society says otherwise. I hate society. Luckily, I live near the beach, so I’m subjected to lovely ocean breezes and I do have the ability to jump into the cool water if my nether-regions are too hot.

“Testes, cancel sperm production in 3…2..1…”

Ok, ok, I’m padding; Sydney does have a better, warmer, climate. Whether I like it or not. If you want to investigate this topic further, but with actual research and professionalism, click here. Sydney wins.


Introduction…What is this? Who am I? Why should you care?

Sydney. Melbourne.

Two cities, separated by 800-odd kilometres. Sydney began as a penal colony, turned into Australia’s first city, and over the course of two centuries, developed into a financial, retail, tourist and media hub. One of the few truly global cities in the world, it is instantly recognisable, and an icon of Australia.


Among others.

Melbourne started life as a lesser penal colony, then, buoyed by the 1850s Gold Rush, became the largest and wealthiest city in Australia, even serving as the nation’s capital for 26 years. Nowadays, it is known for its sports, culture, gardens, industry, and for consistently ranking as one of the most “livable” cities in the world.


Where “livability” clearly equates to a confusing mess of geometry and clashing styles.

My story? Having lived in Melbourne for 30 years, I moved with my girlfriend to Sydney for her work. Having previously studied Business, worked as a production manager and a sales rep, I am now changing my life and studying Massage Therapy. Last year, I completed the basic Cert IV, and this year, I’m aiming to finish my Diploma of Remedial Massage. Job-wise, all Australian taxpayers are currently my employers. The hours are great, but the pay sucks.


And there’s very little chance of a raise.

After moving to Sydney in April this year, I noticed that the two cities are probably 95% alike, but there were a few things that were a little off. Like I’d suddenly moved into the Matrix and was waiting for someone to offer me a blue pill.

There exists quite a rivalry between these two great cities, with Melburnians possibly jealous of Sydney’s prestige, and Sydneysiders not wanting to admit that maybe Melbourne is a better place to live. Whether these, and many other assumptions are true or not means nothing; the media has created and cultivated them so they’re quoted as fact by the A-Current-Affair crowd.

With this blog, I want to highlight these little nuances. I hope to hold a mirror up to society, provide a tongue-in-cheek insight, and re-use tired clichés. Realistically, I merely want to juxtapose the two biggest cities in this country, whilst critiquing Australian culture.

ImageGoogle Images. Fail.

To do this, I propose weekly competitions based on societal criteria. I will analyse and review. I will deconstruct and report. I will guess and make stuff up. This blog is for anyone with an interest in Australian lifestyle. If you’ve been to, or are coming to Australia. If you live in Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, or the other ones. If you’ve ever wondered “Which city is better?”, this is the blog for you.

If you have any comments, suggestions for topics, or general complaints please leave them in the comments section or email me: