Gay Culture

According to this poorly-researched fluff piece that references a scholarly work I can’t seem to locate, the more gays in a city, the better it is. The logic goes: gays are less likely to have kids, hence have more disposable income, hence can afford nicer things, hence are more likely to be found in nicer cities.

     Pictured: nice stuff

Now, despite what a lot of you think of me, I’m not gay. Everyone seems to believe that I am some sort of closeted homosexual. Sure, I’m comfortable with blokes. I don’t mind wearing pink. I’m all for gay-rights. And I’m quite partial to Bob Dylan’s “The man in me”. But that doesn’t mean I’m attracted to men.

                       Or this.

Despite this, I couldn’t help but feel a bit gay walking down Oxford St the other day. More than a little bit, in fact. My gaydar was jammed with of the amount of twinks, queens and…”indeterminates” that I saw. And there were so many rainbow flags that I started to question my own wavering sexuality wonder if rainbow parties actually exist.  Also, a quick tip for straight guys: never enter a store called “Tool Shed”; they aren’t necessarily selling tradie’s equipment. Are gay men THAT concerned with leather?

I was so distracted by all the male-to-male anal-rape, I forgot about how GAY this scene is!

This topic is going to be difficult to assess. I’ve spent at least a few minutes on the internet trying to get some stats about gays in Australia, and I can’t find much. Wikipedia, that ever-reliable source, just gives me a list of gay suburbs in Australia. Turns out Sydney has 6 and Melbourne has 5.

I wanted to compare the number of gay-bars and such, but I couldn’t find the stats. Ditto for violence against gays. There’s just no readily available info on the first page of results from google.

Interestingly, I found this report on homosexuality, and the only relevant point to us is this:

So, Victoria is the most gay-tolerant state. Queensland and Tassie are the least (surprise!) Also in the report, the three least homophobic city areas in Australia are:

Melbourne – Inner
Perth – Central
Melbourne – Central

However, Sydney does have an entire street dedicated to things that would make the Ancient Greeks blush. Not to mention they have some little party once a-

           Helllllllllooooooooo!!!! (Say it in a gay voice)

Yes, Sydney, with its Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras, has been awarded this year’s International City with the Best Gay Festival. And Sydney is number two in this article from The Independent titled: “The Ten Best Places To Be Gay”.

Well, that’s about it. I think Sydney’s buggered off and won.

While we’re here, I should probably mention that the whole “gay-marriage” thing is a bit of a social issue here in Australia. Even though public support of same-sex marriage is at 64%, both political parties have said they won’t be addressing it, anytime soon. I’d expect that from conservative monastery-trained Tony Abbott, but not from our PM; Julia “Living in sin” Gillard. I find it very convenient for her to accept women’s rights, but not gay rights.

This is WAY more offensive that anything a gay man has ever done.

In case you haven’t heard the arguments against gay marriage, let me sum them up for you quickly: “Men sucking dick is gross”. That’s it. Seriously.

What, you want a more detailed analysis? Done.

“Homosexuality isn’t natural”
Marriage isn’t natural either.

“No, I mean it isn’t biologically natural”
Yes, it is. At least 450 species engage in homosexual behaviour.

“But still, we’re humans, not animals”
Biology is not your strong point. Also, have you not heard of the gay gene?

“God hates fags”
At no point has God ever written or said that he hates anything. The Bible was written 2.5 millenia ago by conservative Jews, NOT by God. These are the same people who thought that the world was flat, and were still amazed by iron.

“Leviticus 18:22, y’all”
Yes, in Leviticus, the Bible does say that you shouldn’t lie with a man as with a woman. It ALSO says you shouldn’t do the following: eat fat from an animal, eat pigs/seafood/rabbit, eat blood (no black pudding for you!); lie, steal, deceive, spread slander, wear clothes with two different materials, get a tattoo, cut your hair on the sides, clip your beard, get your fortune predicted, commit adultery, have sex with a woman on her period, go to church if you are blind/disfigured/have damaged testicles, work on a Sunday, or say the word “God“. If you’ve done any of those things, FAIL!

But you should do the following: get circumcised 8 days after birth, sacrifice a young goat and a young pigeon two weeks after giving birth ; sacrifice more animals if you have a wet dream or your period. If you haven’t done those things…FAIL AGAIN! Yes, Leviticus is insane, and it is FILLED with sacrifical-killing of animals, yet homosexuality is mentioned in only a couple of verses.

“What’s next, a guy marrying a dog?”
Any two consenting, loving, human adults should have the same rights as anyone else, shouldn’t they? No one mentioned another species, or something that can’t consent.

“Now son, you’re not GAY are you? I wouldn’t want this sacred institution to be ruined.”

“This cheapens the institute of marriage”
Britney Spears can marry a dude for 55 hours, Kim Kardashian can get married for tv ratings and 72 days, and these fuckwits can marry video-game characters/The Berlin Wall/dead ex-boyfriends/themselves/The Eiffel Tower. Why can’t two people of the same sex marry?

“How am I going to explain this to my children?”
The same way you’d explain anything; honestly. “Sometimes, boys can like boys, and girls can like girls. Most people don’t do that though, and it is quite complicated. You’ll understand when you’re a bit older, but keep asking questions”. As my favourite comedian, Louis CK, says: “Two guys are in LOVE but they can’t get married because YOU don’t want to talk to your ugly child for five fuckin’ minutes?”

“They can’t have kids, so it’s not right. Also, they’ll produce only gay children”
Gay kids have been produced by heterosexual couples for hundreds of thousands of years, so blame the straight people for that. And a lot of straight couples can’t procreate…so should we ban them from marrying too?

“Something, something, something…TRADITION”
You wanna talk about marriage and tradition? How about the banning of inter-faith or inter-racial marriages? Your biblical tradition says that men are supposed to “love your wives”, but women are told to “submit yourselves to your husbands” (Ephesians 5:22-33). And sorry rapists, if you rape a woman, you’ve gotta marry her (Deuteronomy 22:28-30). Also, if you have slaves (because tradition, that’s why) then you’re allowed to sexually exploit them. To summarise tradition: slavery, rape, female submission, racism, all ok. Same-sex marriage, not ok.

Anyone against gay marriage is anti-human-rights, and thus, can eat a bag of dicks. If you don’t like that, consider the following map. Dark blue is gay-friendly, and dark red is “Death to fags”. Tell me; where would you rather live?

“Why, oh why, didn’t I choose the BLUE countries?”                        – Everyone in the red countries.